Wednesday, April 22
Thursday, April 16
We recently had a fun guest, the likes of which we haven't had in quite a while. Someone else paid for his eleven-day stay, and the gentleman occupied a smoking single, 218. He had been here a few days when I first encountered him on a quiet Sunday morning. He came down to the office to hang out while the housekeepers finished cleaning his room—or so he told me. He was in here and wandering around outside for a good two hours, and the housekeepers only take twenty minutes max to finish an occupied room, so I am not entirely sure what he was up to besides killing time.
I was quietly sitting, doing some school reading and idly watching the beginning of The Highlander on TV (so awesome!), when he came in and asked whether he could use the lobby computer. I told him to go right ahead. A half hour later, my manager Mike called down to ask how many people were supposed to be in the guy's room. One, I told him, and Mike said that there was a lot of noise coming from the room, and it sounded like someone talking. He wanted me to ask 218 whether he had anyone else in his room (a common occurrence since many people seem to feel it is beneath them to pay the additional $6.75 for an extra guest). I hung up with Mike, and called to the gentleman, "Excuse me, sir? Is there anyone else staying with you or in your room?"
Whereupon the guy turned around and proceeded to flip the fuck out. "Is there someone in my room? I'm here, I'm the only person in my room, just like you're standing there and you're the only person working!" he hollered.
Mildly taken aback, I tried to explain that my manager had heard noise in his room, and asked whether it could be his TV left on if there was no one else there, but that just further infuriated him. "Call the cops! I want you to call the police if there's people in my room! You go in there and find out who's in my room!" and so on. After five or so minutes of that, I told him his time was up on the computer (there's technically a twenty-minute limit), to which he replied, "I've only been down here four minutes!" I almost laughed out loud than that, but restrained myself. As he went out the lobby door, he turned and asked, "Are you going to be reasonable?" but then before I could even respond, he put his hands over his ears and shouted, "Please be quiet!" He repeated that four times before finally returning to his room, where it turned out that he had in fact left his television on very loud. Mike came down shaking his head, and said, "That guy is really weird!" Apparently, his room was a disaster area, and he had rearranged all of his furniture.
That was my Friday, and when I returned to work after my weekend, I was thrilled to find him still at the motel. When I logged in to the computer, I found a note for everyone about how 218 had called 911 on Monday night because he had no food. According to the note, the cops had someone bring him a food basket, and then told us that he had some "problems," and that we should call them immediately if there were any situation with him. Aces! I did not see him at all that night.
A few nights later, 218 came in ten minutes after I started my shift to complain that the cable wasn't working in his room. So I grabbed my keys and went up to take a look. When I turned the TV around to check it out, I found that there was no cable jack. And the back of the TV was loose, as though it had been removed. Then he came out of the bathroom with all the cables. Mind you, the TV worked fine previously. I told 218 I had to call my manager, and that I would give him a call and let him know what we could do.
When Mike finally called me back, I explained the situation, and he shouted that since the guy had taken the TV apart, he wasn't going to put another TV in there to be similarly destroyed, and 218 would just have to wait till the next day. If he could come out, he'd try to fix it, but otherwise, the guy was SOL. I called 218 and let him know that since it was Easter Sunday, it was difficult to get the TV fixed, so it might not be fixed till the next day. He seemed lucid and polite, and was even understanding about it.
Two hours later, I got a call from a 911 dispatcher. She wanted to verify that there was a person by his name occupying 218, and then asked me whether I had any reason to believe that the motel was on fire. Hmmm. I looked out the windows, then told her, "None of my alarms are going off, and there's no visible smoke or fire." She told me that he was pretty clear about being on fire, so I asked whether she wanted me to go up and check on him. She told me that she wouldn't suggest that, and that the police would be there shortly. Oh goodness.
Tuesday, April 7
Prospective Guest: How much for a single?
Schatzi: Just one person? $56.24 after tax.
PG: That's not what the sign out front says!
Schatzi: The price isn't on the sign, sir or ma'am.
PG: Yeah, it says $39!
Schatzi: That's the temperature, sir or ma'am.